Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm always down for nudity.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
