the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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