i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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