im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
