C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
