I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
