Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
