I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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