So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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