i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are the jesus of drinking
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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