this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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