if i can run in heels then i can drive
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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