Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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