Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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