just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
