dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
