woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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