wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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