she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
