So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
