she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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