The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
