you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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