that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
