she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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