I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
