If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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