No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
