New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
