someone owes me an orgasm
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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