Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
