Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
