I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
