I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
