Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
