sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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