I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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