Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they're like a gay fantastic four
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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