I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
