I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
