so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
