i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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