At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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