Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
