I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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