i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
