just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
