my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
