I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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