Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
