:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
