im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
