The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
