he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
