if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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