hotel room ftw
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
