Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
