Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
