Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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