It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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