I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind