Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.