This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.