Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The power of my boobs compel you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
