Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper http://tfl.nu/swmc
  Replies (55) Good night (12245) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels.. http://tfl.nu/8nli
  Replies (6) Good night (2916) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business??? http://tfl.nu/t2g2
  Replies (22) Good night (5196) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7512) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again http://tfl.nu/0m8m
  Replies (14) Good night (1077) Bad night (4619)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5997) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/3z7i
  Replies (20) Good night (4516) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/l5cn
  Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age. http://tfl.nu/xhom
  Replies (1) Good night (498) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up. http://tfl.nu/ujg8
  Replies (1) Good night (990) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x
  Replies (9) Good night (2233) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  That's a hard toss up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver (1-413): That's a hard toss up http://tfl.nu/wcmj
  Replies (2) Good night (438) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody http://tfl.nu/kf7d
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home. http://tfl.nu/vg5q
  Replies (0) Good night (285) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man http://tfl.nu/x5ba
  Replies (3) Good night (480) Bad night (211)

Randomize