happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold