I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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