so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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