I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
