38 yer olds are good kisserssss
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
