checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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