We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
