apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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