which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
