forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
