She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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