I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
