so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
