You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
