Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
